This week has been riddled with pangs of self-doubt and a general feeling of “What the f am I doing?” There’s no real reason for any of it, other than the usual challenges of figuring out one’s own self-determined (or is it self-inflicted?) creative path. But boy I’ll tell you, this week has my mind running around a hamster wheel, chasing itself while standing in place.
I keep worrying about the next big step to take, and in what direction I lay my foot. I worry which way to go, and how to get there, and if it’s the right move for myself and Polynate. Moreover, I worry that it’s all for nothing, that in the end, my mind’s struggle will be without consequence because my actions will be without consequence. I think that’s what I’m most afraid — that I will give this my best, give it my all, and at the end of the day this will be nothing more than another rambling blog lost in the cacophony of the internet, and the world.
For those of you out there reading, I want to say thank you. A big THANK YOU. Hearing from you makes this all worth it, and eases my unease when it becomes unruly. Below, a few of my favorite emails from you, including one bearing the subject line “You and Your Head”:
